The Most Dangerous Trap in Life
Today at a Glance
- A few months ago, I had an experience that stopped me in my tracks. It was a reminder that sometimes in life, the things we pray for can become the things we complain about, but only if we let them.
- How many times has the thing your younger self dreamed of become the thing you complain about after you’ve gotten it?
- There are a lot of beauties in life that are easy to miss if you’re moving too fast to appreciate them. Sometimes, you are quite literally living out your prayers. Remember that.
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A few months ago, I had an experience that stopped me in my tracks...
I was sitting in my office, in deep focus mode on a project related to the book launch, my stress and anxiety levels reflecting the importance of the work at hand.
Suddenly, my office door burst open, and my 2.5-year-old son, Roman, came charging through. He started climbing on the table and sofa, accidentally knocking a bunch of things to the ground, smiling and laughing as he did it.
As I tried to stay focused on my work, I noticed that the chaos behind me had set in motion a series of negative thoughts:
- Why was he acting like this right now?
- When was I going to have time to clean up the mess he made?
- Why hadn't I put a lock on the door to avoid this?
Transparently, it was a series of complaints...
But then, I caught a glimpse of this photo on my desk, and stopped.
In that moment, I was transported back to 2021, to a time when my wife and I were struggling to conceive—a two-year struggle with painful ups and downs, a monthly anticipation followed by a devastating letdown.
I prayed every single night that one day we’d be blessed with a healthy child.
And yet here I was, complaining about the exact thing that I had prayed for.
Sometimes in life, the things we pray for can become the things we complain about, but only if we let them.
In today's piece, I want to talk about the most dangerous trap in life (and how we can all avoid it)...
Today's More is Tomorrow's Not Enough
Hedonic adaptation is the biological predisposition to return to a baseline after positive events. Our biology conspires against us—no win ever quite satiates.
Once asked by a reporter how much money was enough money, business tycoon John D. Rockefeller replied, "Just a little bit more."
Our current definition of more becomes our future definition of not enough as we set our sights on the next level that we convince ourselves will bring happiness and contentment.
Think about this in your own life:
How many times has the thing your younger self dreamed of become the thing you complain about after you’ve gotten it?
- The house you longed for becomes the house you grumble is too small.
- The car you obsessed over becomes the car you can’t wait to trade in.
- The vacation you prayed for becomes the vacation you get stressed over.
- The engagement ring that made your eyes sparkle becomes the ring you need to upgrade because of its imperfections.
- That thing you yearned for becomes the thing you can’t wait to enhance.
In the prologue of my book, I share a beautiful poem by Jean de La Fontaine that brings this idea to life:
How many folks, in country and in town,
Neglect their principal affair;
And let, for want of due repair,
A real house fall down,
To build a castle in the air?
This is the most dangerous trap in life: To allow the real house in front of us to fall down while we obsess over a castle in the air.
Your real house are the things you have, the things your younger self prayed for, the things your present self complains about.
There's nothing wrong with building that castle in the air, but there is something wrong with allowing your real house to fall down while you do.
You Are Living Out Your Prayers
In 1998, Kurt Vonnegut gave the commencement speech at Rice University.
One passage that I'll never forget:
One thing which my Uncle Alex found objectionable about human beings was that they seldom took time out to notice when they were happy.
He himself did his best to acknowledge it when times were sweet. We could be drinking lemonade in the shade of an apple tree in the summertime, and he would interrupt the conversation to say, "If this isn't nice, what is?"
So, I hope that you Adams and Eves in front of me will do the same for the rest of your lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud:
"If this isn't nice, what is?"
There are a lot of beauties in life that are easy to miss if you’re moving too fast to appreciate them.
In the days and weeks ahead, I want you to lean into gratitude for these moments, things, feelings, and people.
I want you to lean into gratitude for the real house in front of you.
Stop, pause, and say to yourself, "If this isn't nice, what is?"
Remember those moments when you wished for the gifts that you now have.
Sometimes, you are quite literally living out your prayers. Remember that.
