I was completely paralyzed...

In 2022, after a year of refining the concept, I had excitedly sent a book proposal 1-pager to a literary agent.

Within a few hours, I received an email response:

I knew rejection was part of the game in this world, but this particular rejection, from a brilliant and well-respected literary agent, triggered a series of thoughts that sent me into a tailspin.

Maybe I'm not cut out to write a book. What if I'm not ready? Everyone will know that I failed. People will laugh at me. People will talk about this. People will remember this forever.

With these thoughts swirling around my head, I made the rash emotional decision to pause my book process.

A few days later, I was having lunch with a mentor, who I told about the book rejection, and my reluctant decision to pause pursuing it.

He listened sympathetically and then said the following:

"I got this advice at an inflection point in my career, and now I think you need to hear it: Nobody cares."

Nobody cares.

Two words. The single piece of advice that changed my life...

The Monster in Your Room

Here's the harsh truth:

You aren't afraid of failure (at least not really).

The failure itself isn't what scares you. The anticipation of failure isn't what prevents you from taking action. The fear isn't as it seems.

You aren't afraid of failure. You're afraid of what other people will think of you if you fail.

The fear is in the judgment. The fear is in the embarrassment. The fear is in the scrutiny. The fear is in the whispers. The fear is in what they might say, or what they might think. The fear is in the silence.

This type of fear has a damning impact on your life:

• You don't hit send on the content you created
• You shy away from sharing your new ideas in the meeting
• You wait to start until you have the perfect plan
• You don't tell the story your energy is calling you to tell
• You do the things that will impress others, rather than the things that you actually want to do

But there is an antidote...

Remember those moments as a kid when you thought there was a monster in your room? You were convinced it was hiding under the bed or in the closet. You couldn't go to sleep with the fear hanging over you. So, you'd ask your parent or sibling to look around, to prove to you that there was nothing there. They'd shine a flashlight into the dark spots of the room—and poof!—the monster was gone, and you were peacefully asleep.

Your flashlight in facing this monster is those two simple words:

Nobody cares.

Why Nobody Cares (The Spotlight Effect)

What does it mean to say nobody cares?

To understand it, we turn to a ​fascinating study​ out of Cornell University:

A group of researchers had students wear a seemingly embarrassing t-shirt to class and then estimate the number of their classmates who would have noticed their t-shirt.

The study found that students systematically overestimated the percentage of their classmates who had noticed or recalled their appearance.

The Spotlight Effect was the term coined by the researchers to describe the psychological phenomenon whereby we overestimate the degree to which other people are noticing or observing our appearance, actions, behaviors, or results.

Basically, we think everyone else is noticing and judging us, but they aren't. Even if they are, they quickly forget about it.

We're egocentric creatures—everyone is too busy focusing on themselves.

Which brings us back to those two simple words:

Nobody cares.

When you're winning, when everything is going well, when you're crushing it, nobody cares.

When you're losing, when everything is falling flat, when you're down and out, nobody cares.

It doesn't mean nobody loves you. It just means nobody cares about your life as much as you do. It just means that you are in control. It's on you.

It's not depressing. It's liberating. It's empowering. It's energizing.

The fear of the judgment. The fear of the embarrassment. The fear of the scrutiny. The fear of the whispers. The fear of what they might say, or what they might think. The fear of the silence.

The fear of that monster under your bed.

It's not real. It's a manifestation of the mind.

And now you have your two word flashlight:

Nobody cares.

Go Do the Damn Thing

Those two simple words changed my life.

I left the lunch with my mentor and felt emboldened to send that same 1-pager to one more literary agent. We hopped on a Zoom and I braced myself for another rejection.

Her first words:

"Look, I'm going to be honest with you...I love it. I think it's a huge idea."

Three years later, the book is out in the world, a 6x New York Times Bestseller, and has sold over 200,000 copies in its first 6 weeks.

And to think, it was all made possible because of that one piece of advice:

Nobody cares.

There are two big mistakes in life:

1. Worrying about what other people think about you
2. Believing that other people think about you in the first place

Here's the truth: Nobody is thinking about you. They're too busy thinking about themselves.

That thing you've always wanted to do:

• That story you've always wanted to tell
• That idea you've always wanted to pursue
• That person you've always wanted to talk to
• That weird hobby you've always wanted to try
• That leap of faith you've always wanted to take

Nobody cares. So, go do the damn thing.